i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
