I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
my poor anus
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
