Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
