Dude my mom stole all your condoms
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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