Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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