arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
