There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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