We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
