those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
