I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
