do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
