i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
