Moan for me like Helen Keller
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Randomize
