i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
