dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
