Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Come see our sink grown plant.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
