i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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