he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
