I puked a lego.
i would punch a child for taco bell
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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