my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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