i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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