dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
