If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
