so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I cut my penus on the lid.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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