What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
