"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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