Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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