My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I think my fart just growled at me.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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