I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
