I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
