I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
