I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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