if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
