Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
