what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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