my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
