Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You took a bar mat shot.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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