i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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