i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
