Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
