Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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