so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
