So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
it's like heaven, but drunker
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
