Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
