My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
