In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Randomize
