There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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