Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
