My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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