actually, I'm a sock model
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
