I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Randomize
