I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Ketchup is God's man juice
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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