We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
