I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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