I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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