Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
