She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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