My friends, they love my intelligence
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
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