you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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