***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
