Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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