I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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