when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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