I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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