SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
