I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
