she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Are my feet made of real feet?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
