My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
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