pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
