Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
