It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
