So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
