he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
