9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
