There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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