Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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