I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
